Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
