oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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