Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
