I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize