I'm drive I can fine osifer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
