someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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