I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
