my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
