I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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