you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
