Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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