Define "chronic" masturbator.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
