remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
