whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
