Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
