i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
