i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
