he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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