I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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