Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
