This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found your dick twin last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
