he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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