Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
