My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
