I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
