3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
