Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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