I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
