apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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