I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize