playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she looked like the before picture.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
