after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
