I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
