Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
