Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do vagina's smell?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
