I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
