Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
