so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
