brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nobody cheats on THIS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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