between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
