I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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