PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
