morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im part way to drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
