Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize