I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
