Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
