Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
