They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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