Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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