Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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