i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
