I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
