he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
