Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
