Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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