i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize