I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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