i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
