your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
