she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
