I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize