I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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