he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
