covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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